Late last night, Brian and I decided to play Star Wars: Battlefront online on XBOX Live. As usual, whenever I step away from my usual group of Halo 2 players and try another game, I’m sickened and disheartened by the experience.

There’s something inherent in online gaming that brings out the most sociopathic, antisocial behavior in people. Things said are just shocking and unnecessarily cruel — online games are like a place where the worst tendencies of young male frustration incubates into out and out violence. Calling an eight year-old child you encounter in an online Star Wars game a “faggot” and a “cocksucker” isn’t a sign of strength, it’s a symptom of a deep psychological problem.

And when I heard it and intervened on the matter, feeling myself sink deeper and deeper into the mud myself, I felt a strong desire to just end my involvement in online gaming, to abandon the hobby altogether.

Brian says that he thinks the microphone grants a person anonymity to behave any way they want. When no one knows you are, there’s no recourse for your behavior. I think think is pretty accurate, but I’d also extend it to say that in a very simple way, gaming attracts a lot of young men who can’t get a date on a Saturday night. What we’re seeing is a lashing out of unspent testosterone, of sexual frustration and overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Normally in check in every day life, but allowed to thrive when a headset separates you from other people.

As Brian and I discussed it afterward, we both play regularly with the same group of Halo 2 players who share our belief that gaming should be fun and people should treat each other with kindness and civility. After months of playing with those guys, we now think of civility as a rule. When faced with barbarism and foul behavior, my defenses just weren’t prepared for it.

I realize that if I were to leave — which is probably inevitable once the twins are here — then one more person who believes in kindness and humanity in gaming is gone. And I shouldn’t do that. What we need to do is circle the wagons and push these people back whenever we can. Online gaming has great potential as a way for people to connect with oneanother — it would be a shame to see it ruined by the hordes of angry young men who want to ruin the experience for everyone else.